First of all Storm i said the jesus joke already and Beast i said the superman one already

Oh and king i said that one too about the oh s**t.
Yo mamma's so ugly that when Bob The Builder saw her he yelled "Hey Even I can't fix that!!"

And sorry i cant post really good jokes anymore, its cause most of them are inapropriate and i keep losing points for them.

From now on i'll post one of my jokes a week.
This blonde got a job at a factory that makes elmo dolls.She was the last one in the line and of course buisness was running slow because of her. So that very same day the co manager went to the big boss and told him that she was sowing two marbles between elmo's legs. He started laughing his donkey off. After 15 minutes of nonstop laughing he went to the blonde and said
"Im sorry dear you must have misheard me. I said to give him two Test Tickles not Two Testicles!"

Thats kinda gross.

Yo mama so lazy she's got a remote control just to operate her remote.
Yo mama so fat God told her he had no room in heaven and the devil said there was no room in hell

its not gross it's funny. and these are some real yo mamma jokes.
yo mamma so fat not even Dora can explore her!!
yo mamma so fat then when she fell down the stairs i wasnt laughing but the floor was cracking up!

MacDaddy:
Yo mamma joke 1: LOL that is the perfect yo mamma joke Funny-O-Meter: 9/10
joke 2: man that is funny and i agree with u it is not gross Funny-O-Meter:8/10
yo mamma jokes 2 & 3: u've said them before

My yo mama jokes are real! OBG! People these days.

I think I'm gonna stop posting my yo mama jokes if he is gonna be annoying.

how am i being annoying? im just saying that my jokes not gross

yea crazy8 ur making no sense

Goodbye

bibbly bye byes

lol he left. I just randomly think of them when i see something related to it

u will never become a joke god now crazy8

Where do women belong on gamesbutler? IN THE KITCHEN!!! (Me and Dan_Rucka_Nucka 101 came up with the joke)

ZING!!

THANK GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A JOKE!!!!!!!!!! Funny-O-Meter: 8/10

heres a funny joke, Justin Bieber is a boy HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

LMFAO!
999/10 Dan

lol

3 men claim world records, first says
I have the smallest arm in the world! second says
I have the smallest head in the world! last one says,
i have the smallest pe.nis in the world, they go 2 the world record hq and the first man comes out and says
yes i have the smallest arm, second man comes out and says
yes i have the smallest head, third man comes out and says
who the hell is justin bieber!!!!!!1

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Funny-O-Meter: 8/10

Dan i made that same joke already remember??

i don't remember...

probably because it was one of the first jokes i posted, and because i posted it on someones profile or something

LMFRAO, that was hilarious

yep

Quotes a famous comedian and gets a 50/10 funny rating

I GIVE FOX A 50/10 RATING FOR FUNNYNESS!

...

theres a scott, an englishman, a jew and a nazi on a plane. the jet blows and the plane starts to fall "for britain!!!!!!!" shouts the englishman, and jumps out the plane. the scott cries "och aye, for the homeland" and jumps out the plane. the nazi cries "for Hitler!!!" and chucks the jew out

lmao 10/10

thank u

-.- I've got a Jewish friend so I'm giving it a 9/10 mostly cuz i find a Nazi's stupidity funny

ok i've got a s**tload of jewish friends because more than half the kids in my neighborhood are jews and i found that pretty dam funny

good news!! i got more jokes!! im gonna post them one by one though each day.
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.

"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"

The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no."

The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"

The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.

"or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."

On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"

Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home.

The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These damn girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties." "That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station, Well never forget you!

A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, pal. You're obviously drunk."

Our wasted friend asked, "Officer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?"

"Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper. "Let's go."

Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Thank goodness, I thought I was crippled."




The bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know
anything about s.ex. Can you explain it to me first?"

"OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the
prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the
prisoner in the prison.

And then they made love for the first time.

Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.

Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped."

Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him."

After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes but
the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him
a suggestive smile, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!"

The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently
born foal.

Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted.

She nudges him and says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again."

Limply turning his head, He YELLS at her, "Hey, its not a life sentence,
OKAY!

Two zebras are talking and one asks the other, "Am I black with white
stripes or white with black stripes?" The other replies, "Well I don't
know. You should pray to God about that and ask him." So that night he did
and God replied, "You are what you are." The next day he said to the other
zebra, "I still don't understand what I am because God just said, You are
what you are." The second zebra responds, "You must be white with black
stripes or else God would have said, U is what U is."

There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."

"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."

"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."

ABC's of ex girlfriends (read all of it!!!)
A
is for Arteries.
You know, the things that your ex-girlfriend ripped out because she really didn't care for you you twit she was only after your money and could have given a bad about you.

B
is for Bitter. Who, me?? No way. I really hope things between them do work out. I hope they get married and have 2 children that are little devils and her hips get huge and his eyebrows finally grow completely together and they get fat and old together and then DIE!!

C
is for Call ya later.She won't. She never has before.

D
is for Dumped. Does D need to be explained?

E
is for Eating like a pig. Remember when you took her out and she said "I'm not hungry" so you figured you could take her to a nice place because you were able to afford a nice meal at this fine restaurant. Then she ate more than your Uncle Roy (you remember Uncle Roy the one with the mustard stains on everything). So you flip the bill and are broke for the next two weeks and she wonders why you were unable to call her that week and go see movies.

F
is for Friends. That is what she just wants to be. As if you can even stand to look at her.

G
is for Gun. And yes there is a waiting period.

H
is for Hor.ny. Remember when she looked nice and even had a personality? Well, you figure it out.

I
stands for I still hate her. Odds are I always will, unless she calls me and offers me favors.

J
stands for Jim. This is her new boyfriend. Doesn't Jim have a nice car ? Doesn't Jim have a good job? Why does Jim want to date her? I think Jim could do much better. I hate Jim. Jim is my mortal enemy.

K
stands for Kill.

L
is for Love. It's a great euphoric feeling that exists between two people and is shared upon by both parties.

L
is also for Lunatic. Lunatics are crazy. Lunatics are the last people that actually believe in love.

M
stands for Mephistophiles. That is who she worked for.

N
stands for Necropheliac. She didn't move very much, did she?

O
is for On top. When on top she has another O word.

P
is for Pill. She said she was on it. She lied. She is now sueing you for a few hundred bucks a month.

Q
is for Quitter. She couldn't last.

R
is for Rich little ******. She bought my love but I paid for it.

S
stands for Suffer. That's what she made me do.

T
is for torture. Torture is what she did. She tortured you with the truth. She also tortured you with lies.

U
is for Understatement. Saying you hate that bit.ch is an understatement.

V
is for Voluptuous. That is the primamry reason you were dating her in the first place.

W
stands for Whine. She was a pro at this.

X
is for Xylophone. Because X is always for xylophone.

Y
stands for You suck! Remember when she yelled that at you.

Z
stands for ZIPPER. This is what you got your hair stuck in while trying to get dressed too quickly while she yelled "QUICK! They're home!"

.
stands for period. Which is a couple of weeks late, because she lied to you about taking what P stands for. It also means you won't get any for a week.

i think i posted this already
A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of ******es who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of ******es who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."

The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."

Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."

As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the ****** in the kitchen."

u have posted the third joke, the 8th and the last joke before so i won't rate them
Joke 1: hillairious dude Funny-O-Meter: 8/10
Joke 2: i can see that happening Funny-O-Meter: 10/10
joke 4: LOL!!!!!!!! Funny-O-Meter: 8/10
joke 5: not ur best joke Funny-O-Meter: 7/10
joke 6: LMFAO!!!!!!!!!! Funny-O-Meter: 8/10
joke 7: good thinking that hillairious Funny-O-Meter: 10/10

PETER ALL OF YOUR JOKES ARE FUNNY AND IF I COULD I'D PUT AN INFINITY SYMBOL/10 RIGHT HERE FOR ALL OF YOUR JOKES DUDE!

∞/10 for all of Peter's jokes

lmao ya i had to use the dictionary for the ABC girlfriends one