One day there were two boys playing by a stream when they saw a woman bathing naked. All of a sudden one of the boys took off running. The other boy took off after his friend. After he caught up to him, he asked why he ran away.
"Well," the boy said, "my mom told me that if I ever saw a naked lady I would turn to stone, and I felt something getting hard so I ran."
Jokes
511 posts
May 17, 2010
May 17, 2010
lmao!!!!!
May 17, 2010
ok i have an extremley funny but racist joke but im not gonna say it
May 17, 2010
if you want to hear it tell me and ill message it to you or something
May 18, 2010
very very funny mr a
May 18, 2010
to right it is Funny Rating:7/10
and peternader plz can you message it to me
and peternader plz can you message it to me
May 19, 2010
wat do you call cheeze thats not yours? Nacho Cheese lmao heard that one on TV
May 19, 2010
Joke 1: There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.
Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."
"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."
"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."
Joke 2:A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of ******es who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of ******es who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."
The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."
Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."
As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the b i t c h in the kitchen."
Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."
"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."
"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."
Joke 2:A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of ******es who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of ******es who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."
The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."
Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."
As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the b i t c h in the kitchen."
May 19, 2010
hahaha, thats amazing both of them
May 19, 2010
I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married.
My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream!
There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister.
My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when quite near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.
One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome.
She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn't say a word.
She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me." I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me.
I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car.
My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."
The moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your car!
My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream!
There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister.
My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when quite near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.
One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome.
She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn't say a word.
She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me." I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me.
I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car.
My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."
The moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your car!
May 19, 2010
lmao i can use the last joke in life one day
May 19, 2010
A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.
"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"
The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"
Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no."
The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"
The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.
"or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"
The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."
On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"
"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"
The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"
Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no."
The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"
The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.
"or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"
The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."
On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"
May 19, 2010
Joke 1: A Texan bought a round of drinks for all in the bar and said that his wife had just produced "a typical Texas baby" weighing twenty pounds.
Two weeks later he returned to the bar. The bartender recognized him and asked, "Aren't you the father of the typical Texas baby that weighed twenty pounds at birth?"
"Yup, shore am!"
"How much does he weigh now?"
The proud father answered, "Ten pounds."
The bartender said, "Why, what happened? He did weigh twenty pounds."
The proud Texas father said, "Just had him circumcised!"
Joke 2:A rather confident man walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment.
The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"
"No," he replies, "I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and I was just testing it."
The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?"
"It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me," he explains.
"What's it telling you now?" she asked.
"Well, it says you're not wearing any panties." he said.
The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken then because I am wearing panties!"
The man explains, "Damn thing must be an hour fast."
Joke 3:A man, whose level of drunkenness was bordering on the absurd, stood up to leave a bar and fell flat on his face.
"Maybe all I need is some fresh air," thought the man as he crawled outside.
He tried to stand up again, but fell face first into the mud.
"Screw it," he thought. "I'll just crawl home."
The next morning, his wife found him on the doorstep asleep.
"You went out drinking last night, didn't you?" she said.
"Uh, yes," he said sheepishly.
"How did you know?"
"You left your wheelchair at the bar again."
Two weeks later he returned to the bar. The bartender recognized him and asked, "Aren't you the father of the typical Texas baby that weighed twenty pounds at birth?"
"Yup, shore am!"
"How much does he weigh now?"
The proud father answered, "Ten pounds."
The bartender said, "Why, what happened? He did weigh twenty pounds."
The proud Texas father said, "Just had him circumcised!"
Joke 2:A rather confident man walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment.
The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"
"No," he replies, "I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and I was just testing it."
The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?"
"It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me," he explains.
"What's it telling you now?" she asked.
"Well, it says you're not wearing any panties." he said.
The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken then because I am wearing panties!"
The man explains, "Damn thing must be an hour fast."
Joke 3:A man, whose level of drunkenness was bordering on the absurd, stood up to leave a bar and fell flat on his face.
"Maybe all I need is some fresh air," thought the man as he crawled outside.
He tried to stand up again, but fell face first into the mud.
"Screw it," he thought. "I'll just crawl home."
The next morning, his wife found him on the doorstep asleep.
"You went out drinking last night, didn't you?" she said.
"Uh, yes," he said sheepishly.
"How did you know?"
"You left your wheelchair at the bar again."
May 19, 2010
Joke 1:A man stumbles up to the only other man in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. Why of course, comes the reply.
The first man then asks: Where are you from?
I'm from Ireland, replies the second man.
The first man responds: You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland.
Of Course, replies the second man.
Curious, the first man then asks:"Where in Ireland are you from?
Dublin, comes the reply.
I can't believe it, says the first man."I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin.
Of course, replies the second man.
Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: What school did you go to?
Saint Mary's, replies the second man. I graduated in 62.
This is unbelievable! the first man says. I went to Saint Mary's and I graduated in '62, too!
About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar. What's been going on? he asks the bartender.
Nothing much, replies the bartender. The O'Brian twins are drunk again.
Joke 2:A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender who comes over immediately.
When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard which is full and bushy.
"Are you the manager?" she asked, softly stroking his face with both hands.
"Actually, no," he replied.
"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she said, running her hands up beyond his beard and into his hair.
"I'm afraid I can't," breathes the bartender, clearly in trouble. "Is there anything I can do?"
"Yes there is. I need you to give him a message," she continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently. "Tell him that there is no toilet paper in the ladies room." (haha!!!)
The first man then asks: Where are you from?
I'm from Ireland, replies the second man.
The first man responds: You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland.
Of Course, replies the second man.
Curious, the first man then asks:"Where in Ireland are you from?
Dublin, comes the reply.
I can't believe it, says the first man."I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin.
Of course, replies the second man.
Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: What school did you go to?
Saint Mary's, replies the second man. I graduated in 62.
This is unbelievable! the first man says. I went to Saint Mary's and I graduated in '62, too!
About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar. What's been going on? he asks the bartender.
Nothing much, replies the bartender. The O'Brian twins are drunk again.
Joke 2:A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender who comes over immediately.
When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard which is full and bushy.
"Are you the manager?" she asked, softly stroking his face with both hands.
"Actually, no," he replied.
"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she said, running her hands up beyond his beard and into his hair.
"I'm afraid I can't," breathes the bartender, clearly in trouble. "Is there anything I can do?"
"Yes there is. I need you to give him a message," she continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently. "Tell him that there is no toilet paper in the ladies room." (haha!!!)
May 19, 2010
My last joke
There is a bar on the 5th story of a building. There was a man in a bar who was extremley drunk. he finished his glass of scotch and then jumped out the 5 story window and to everyones amazement, he rose up and then got back in the bar. "Howd ya do that?" asked the bartender. "Easy" said the man, "just close your eyes, relax, believe in god, and the strong wind currents along with the power of god will push you back up here. so then the bartender does wat the man says, and falls to his horrrible bloody death. Then the lady next to him says "Jeez superman you can be a real jack a s s when your drunk"
There is a bar on the 5th story of a building. There was a man in a bar who was extremley drunk. he finished his glass of scotch and then jumped out the 5 story window and to everyones amazement, he rose up and then got back in the bar. "Howd ya do that?" asked the bartender. "Easy" said the man, "just close your eyes, relax, believe in god, and the strong wind currents along with the power of god will push you back up here. so then the bartender does wat the man says, and falls to his horrrible bloody death. Then the lady next to him says "Jeez superman you can be a real jack a s s when your drunk"
May 19, 2010
Joke 1: A man walks into a bar one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for a beer. "Certainly, sir, that'll be 1 cent."
"One penny?!" exclaimed the guy.
The barman replied, "Yes."
So, the guy glances over at the menu, and he asks, "Could I have a nice juicy T-bone steak, with fries, peas, and a salad?"
"Certainly sir," replies the bartender, "but all that comes to real money."
"How much money?" inquires the guy.
"Four cents," he replies.
"Four cents?!" exclaims the guy.
"Where's the guy who owns this place?"
The barman replies, "Upstairs with my wife."
The guy says, "What's he doing with your wife?"
The bartender replies, "Same as what I'm doing to his business."
Joke 2:A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself.
Approaching the friend he comments, "You look terrible.
What's the problem?"
"My mother died in June," he said, "and left me $10,000."
"Gee, that's tough," he replied.
"Then in July," the friend continued, "My father died, leaving me $50,000."
"Wow. Two parents gone in two months. No wonder you're depressed."
"And last month my aunt died, and left me $15,000."
"Three close family members lost in three months?
How sad."
"Then this month," continued, the friend, "nothing!"
(and its weird how i come up with some of these bar jokes after i just hear one joke involving a bar)
Joke 3:i messed up the superman joke, srry i got confused cause i kept on forgeting it
Two guys were sitting at a bar on the 40th floor of a skyscraper and were extremley drunk
The first guy said, "Hey, I'll bet you a million bucks that I can jump out of this window, fly around the building, and land right here next to you!"
Being so totally wasted, plus hearing a completely impossible bet, the 2nd guy replied, "YOU'RE ON!"
So the first guy jumped out of the window, flew around the building, and came right back to the same spot.
"WOW," screamed the 2nd guy, "That was incredible. Do it again!"
So the first guy jumped out of the window, flew around the building, and landed right next to his friend.
"That is remarkable. Do it one more time!"
"Ok," said the first guy, "But if I do it again, when I come back you have to do it."
The second man agreed, and with that, once again, the first jumped out, flew around, and came back.
"Your turn," he said.
So the 2nd guy stepped up to the window.
"This is easy. He did it, so can I!"
The man jumped out the window and fell to the ground and died a horrible bloody death
Calmly the first man walked back to the bar and ordered another beer.
The bartender remarked, "Jeez Superman you can be a real jack A S S when your drunk
"One penny?!" exclaimed the guy.
The barman replied, "Yes."
So, the guy glances over at the menu, and he asks, "Could I have a nice juicy T-bone steak, with fries, peas, and a salad?"
"Certainly sir," replies the bartender, "but all that comes to real money."
"How much money?" inquires the guy.
"Four cents," he replies.
"Four cents?!" exclaims the guy.
"Where's the guy who owns this place?"
The barman replies, "Upstairs with my wife."
The guy says, "What's he doing with your wife?"
The bartender replies, "Same as what I'm doing to his business."
Joke 2:A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself.
Approaching the friend he comments, "You look terrible.
What's the problem?"
"My mother died in June," he said, "and left me $10,000."
"Gee, that's tough," he replied.
"Then in July," the friend continued, "My father died, leaving me $50,000."
"Wow. Two parents gone in two months. No wonder you're depressed."
"And last month my aunt died, and left me $15,000."
"Three close family members lost in three months?
How sad."
"Then this month," continued, the friend, "nothing!"
(and its weird how i come up with some of these bar jokes after i just hear one joke involving a bar)
Joke 3:i messed up the superman joke, srry i got confused cause i kept on forgeting it
Two guys were sitting at a bar on the 40th floor of a skyscraper and were extremley drunk
The first guy said, "Hey, I'll bet you a million bucks that I can jump out of this window, fly around the building, and land right here next to you!"
Being so totally wasted, plus hearing a completely impossible bet, the 2nd guy replied, "YOU'RE ON!"
So the first guy jumped out of the window, flew around the building, and came right back to the same spot.
"WOW," screamed the 2nd guy, "That was incredible. Do it again!"
So the first guy jumped out of the window, flew around the building, and landed right next to his friend.
"That is remarkable. Do it one more time!"
"Ok," said the first guy, "But if I do it again, when I come back you have to do it."
The second man agreed, and with that, once again, the first jumped out, flew around, and came back.
"Your turn," he said.
So the 2nd guy stepped up to the window.
"This is easy. He did it, so can I!"
The man jumped out the window and fell to the ground and died a horrible bloody death
Calmly the first man walked back to the bar and ordered another beer.
The bartender remarked, "Jeez Superman you can be a real jack A S S when your drunk
May 19, 2010
i was gonna say that last one
May 19, 2010
ha! it like a world joke and for some reason everyone makes it up
May 19, 2010
but in a different way
May 19, 2010
im not gonna say sbout them all because my fingers will burn down to stubs and i can't be bothered givin' Funny Ratings at the moment so we'll let the public decide!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (but you'll hjave to stop again when i say OK)
May 19, 2010
a man walks into a bar "OUCH"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
May 19, 2010
why did the chicken cross the road? SCREEEEEECH... THUMP BURK BUC BURC BURCCCC we shall never know
May 19, 2010
401 POSTSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
May 19, 2010
lol carnage the joke was funny and i love how you post this at 2 in the morning
May 19, 2010
WOWWW PETER THE PIMP WWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWW
May 20, 2010
Thank you thank you!!! i'll be here till i die!!
May 20, 2010
is anybody gonna answer? or shall i put it back to normal?
May 22, 2010
right its back to normal
May 22, 2010
in church one day they find that someones but 1,000 pounds in the collection they go to the front and ask "who put 1,000 pounds in the collection?" then a g a y man stands up and says "it was me" the people say "wow you can choose three hyms the guy stands, points at three people and says "i'll have him and him and him"
May 22, 2010
lol
May 22, 2010
thanks cdog how about you post some jokes
May 22, 2010
lol carnage nice joke
May 23, 2010
i really dont know any more jokes but if i find one ill post it
May 23, 2010
i got one
As you lie back your muscles tighten. You put him off for a while searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you.
He asks if you're afraid and you shake your head bravely. He has had more experience, but it's the first time his finger has found the right place.
He probes deeply and you shiver; your body tenses; but he's gentle like he promised he'd be.
He looks deeply within your eyes and tells you to trust him-he's done this many times before.
His cool smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him more room for an ease entrance. You begin to plead and beg him to hurry, but he slowly takes his time, wanting to cause you as little pain as possible. As he presses closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give way; pain surges throughout your body and you feel the slight trickle of blood as he continues. He looks at you concerned and asks you if it's too painful. Your eyes are filled with tears but you shake your head and nod for him to go on. He begins going in and out with skill but you are now too numb to feel him within you.
After a few moments, you feel something bursting within you and he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to have it over. He looks at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a chuckle; that you have been his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience.
You smile and thank your dentist. After all, it was your first time to have a tooth pulled.
Naughty, Naughty!
Excuse me, What were you thinkin'?
As you lie back your muscles tighten. You put him off for a while searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you.
He asks if you're afraid and you shake your head bravely. He has had more experience, but it's the first time his finger has found the right place.
He probes deeply and you shiver; your body tenses; but he's gentle like he promised he'd be.
He looks deeply within your eyes and tells you to trust him-he's done this many times before.
His cool smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him more room for an ease entrance. You begin to plead and beg him to hurry, but he slowly takes his time, wanting to cause you as little pain as possible. As he presses closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give way; pain surges throughout your body and you feel the slight trickle of blood as he continues. He looks at you concerned and asks you if it's too painful. Your eyes are filled with tears but you shake your head and nod for him to go on. He begins going in and out with skill but you are now too numb to feel him within you.
After a few moments, you feel something bursting within you and he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to have it over. He looks at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a chuckle; that you have been his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience.
You smile and thank your dentist. After all, it was your first time to have a tooth pulled.
Naughty, Naughty!
Excuse me, What were you thinkin'?
May 23, 2010
hehehaha thats kool Funny Rating:7/10
May 23, 2010
A King had to leave his Kingdom for some business. He was afraid that his only Daughter would be taken advantage of by some of the Guards because she was a very deep sleeper. So before he left, he slipped a razor blade between the lips of her v a g i n a.
The King left. That night, three of the Guards did plan to **** the Princess.
The First Guard went into her room. From outside of the room, the other two Guards listened. Suddenly, they heard the First Guard scream. He came out. The other two Guards asked why he screamed. Embarrassed, he said that it was so good that he couldn't control himself. This made the other two smile.
The Second Guard went in. After some time? Ahhhhh!!! The Second Guard came out. The Third Guard asked what happened. Just as embarrassed as the First Guard, the Second Guard said that it felt so good that he couldn't control himself. The Third Guard smiled.
The Third Guard went into the room. He went up to the Princess and lifted her dress. Outside, the other two Guards listened. Mmmmmhhhh!?! The other two Guards took off! The next morning, the King came back. He suspected that his Guards tried to **** his daughter. He told them to drop their pants. Each of them did. Two of them had sliced *****, but the third one didn?t. Confused, the King asked why. He stuck his tongue out and said, ?I neba pry **** ur dahta, I w e t l i k ur dahta?!
The King left. That night, three of the Guards did plan to **** the Princess.
The First Guard went into her room. From outside of the room, the other two Guards listened. Suddenly, they heard the First Guard scream. He came out. The other two Guards asked why he screamed. Embarrassed, he said that it was so good that he couldn't control himself. This made the other two smile.
The Second Guard went in. After some time? Ahhhhh!!! The Second Guard came out. The Third Guard asked what happened. Just as embarrassed as the First Guard, the Second Guard said that it felt so good that he couldn't control himself. The Third Guard smiled.
The Third Guard went into the room. He went up to the Princess and lifted her dress. Outside, the other two Guards listened. Mmmmmhhhh!?! The other two Guards took off! The next morning, the King came back. He suspected that his Guards tried to **** his daughter. He told them to drop their pants. Each of them did. Two of them had sliced *****, but the third one didn?t. Confused, the King asked why. He stuck his tongue out and said, ?I neba pry **** ur dahta, I w e t l i k ur dahta?!
May 23, 2010
HAHAHA LOL Funny Rating:8/10
May 24, 2010
its alex reids fight of his life
his turn to bathe harvey
his turn to bathe harvey
May 24, 2010
noooooooo!!!!!!!! i think im outa jokes!!! Its the end of the world!!! (to bad for you guys you dont know me in real life cause i do funny stuff)
May 24, 2010
Why do you put a baby in a blender feet first? To see the expression on his face. >=D
May 24, 2010
Why do you put a baby in a blender feet first? To see the expression on his face. >=D
May 25, 2010
lol nice one zilla
May 25, 2010
lol
May 25, 2010
Mr. A: haahah LOL Funny Rating:7/10
godzilla: funnyness Funny Rating:6/10
Peter: :O WELL GET SOME MORE JOKES AND HURRY I DON'T CARE WHERE FROM!!!!!!!!!!!!
godzilla: funnyness Funny Rating:6/10
Peter: :O WELL GET SOME MORE JOKES AND HURRY I DON'T CARE WHERE FROM!!!!!!!!!!!!
May 25, 2010
i gots one!!!
May 25, 2010
lmao i came up with half of this
I, the ******, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
I do physical labor
I work at great depths
I plunge head first into everything I do
I do not get weekends off or public holidays
I work in a damp environment
I don't get paid overtime
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation
I work in high temperatures
My work exposes me to contagious diseases
Dear ******,
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
You do not work 8 hours straight
You fall asleep on the job after brief work period
You do not always follow the orders of the management team
You do not stay in your allocated position, and often visit other areas
You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift
You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing
You'll retire well before reaching 65
You're unable to work double shifts
You sometimes leave your allocated position before you have completed the day's work. And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and leaving the workplace carrying 2 suspicious looking bags.
Sincerely,
The Management
I, the ******, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
I do physical labor
I work at great depths
I plunge head first into everything I do
I do not get weekends off or public holidays
I work in a damp environment
I don't get paid overtime
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation
I work in high temperatures
My work exposes me to contagious diseases
Dear ******,
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
You do not work 8 hours straight
You fall asleep on the job after brief work period
You do not always follow the orders of the management team
You do not stay in your allocated position, and often visit other areas
You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift
You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing
You'll retire well before reaching 65
You're unable to work double shifts
You sometimes leave your allocated position before you have completed the day's work. And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and leaving the workplace carrying 2 suspicious looking bags.
Sincerely,
The Management
May 25, 2010
is anyone here offended by blonde jokes? cause i got a lot of em
May 26, 2010
k so im gonna say one blonde joke and if everyones ok with it, im gonna say a s- h- i- t load of them
Wanna know how a blonde trys to kill a fish? She trys to drown it. lol
Wanna know how a blonde trys to kill a fish? She trys to drown it. lol
