what is the diffrence between a pothole and a prostitute??
on tyres your knackers and the othe knackers your tyres:)

sweet funny rating:6/10

my budgie hurt its leg, i made crutches for it out of matches, his face lit up, so did the rest of his body as his cage is covered in sand paper

poor budgie funny rating:8/10

post some more jokes

how do you make an idiot confused, 64

im am not an idiot so i will not say eh? funny rating:7/10

ok i have the best yo mamma joke ever and a regular joke too.
Yo mammas so fat not even Dora can explore her!!

Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, ''Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?'' When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ''God Almighty !'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good'' and Mary fell back to sleep.

A while later the teacher asked Mary, ''Who is our Lord and Savior?'' But Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. ''Jesus Christ!'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good,'' and Mary fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, ''What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'' And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, ''If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!'' The Teacher fainted.

wait i messed it up heres the edited version
Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, ''Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?'' When Mary didn't answer little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ''God Almighty !'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good'' and Mary fell back to sleep.

A while later the teacher asked Mary, ''Who is our Lord and Savior?'' But Mary didn't even wake up from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. ''Jesus Christ!'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good,'' and Mary fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, ''What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'' And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, ''If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!'' The Teacher fainted.

what do u call a fat and ugly beast??? my mom lol jk

funny ratings:10/10 all of them

why did the chiken cross the rode?


e:to go to kfc

boring joke ever

why would the chicken kill itself funny rating:1/10

your mamma so fat after i made love too her i rolled over twice and i was still on her

ha ha ha funny rating:6/10

Theres an irish man an english man and a scottish man and they go in a cave then the irish man hears a voice saying "im gonna eat you im gonna eat you, first your legs then your body then your head im gonna eat you" the irish man legs it out of the cave screaming. then the scottsman starts hearing the same voice "im gonna eat you im gonna eat you, first your legs then your body then your head im gonna eat you" he the scottsman wets his pants and runs off screaming the english man looks out the cave confused seeing the pair of them run off while hes.... muching a bag of jellybabys

by the way fell free to give your own funny rating your my jokes

haha 8/10

micheal jackson is getting melted to lego so kids can play with him for a change

hehe funny rating:8/10

micheal jackson is getting melted to cups so kids can put there lips on him for a change

A man who had a habit of buying useless stuff came home one day with a robot. His wife asked "what is that?"
The man replied "Its a lie detector robot. It can tell if you are lying."
Just then, their son walked in the door. "Why are you 2 hours late?" his mom asked.
"I was at the library doing research" he replied, and the robot came up and slapped him.
"What I meant to say was, I was at John's house hanging out" and the robot slapped him again.
Both parents laughed and said to forget it, and they all sat down at the table. The boy's dad said "When I was your age, I never lied!" and the robot slapped him.
The boy's mom burst of laughing and said "Don't lie to him, he's you son!" and the robot slapped her.

Swim thats hilarious!

why did the chicken cross the road... to get to the other side LOL

swim: HILARIOUS ONE OF THE BEST Funny Rating:9/10
Cathal_N: its the oldest joke around and it never gets any better Funny Rating:0/10

We were dressed and ready to go out for the New Years Eve Party. We turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered our pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard. We phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and we opened the front door to leave the house. The cat we put out in the back yard, scoots back into the front door.

We didn't want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the bird. My wife goes out to the taxi, while I went inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, with me in hot pursuit.

Waiting in the cab, my wife doesn't want the driver to know that the house will be empty for the night. So, she explains to the taxi driver that I will be out soon, 'He's just going upstairs to say Goodbye to my mother.'

A few minutes later, I get into the cab. 'Sorry I took so long,' I said, as we drove away. 'That stupid ***** was hiding under the bed. I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked! I hauled her fat *** downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!

The cab driver hit a parked car.

3 men went to hell one was a fat man one was a person who likes girls and the last was a smoking addict. the devil asked the fat man "if u could hav one million of the same things wat would it be?" the fat man said "all the food i can hav" the devil gave him a million items of food". the devil asked the man who likes girls "what would u like a million of?" the man who likes girls said "a million girls who liked me in high school" the devil asked the smoking addict "wat would u like a million of?" the addict said a "million cigarettes." the devil gave all of them wat they wanted and checked bak in 1000 years. the fat man was all skinny now he cried "all the food spoiled." the devil said "u didnt ask for nonspoiling food." the man who liked girls said "the girls dont like me anymore." the devil said "the girls liked u in high school but not now." the devli went to the addict but the addict had his head low and said "all these years and i didnt ask for a lighter."


LOL

a little boy went to a store.he asked the the cashier for some toilet paper.the cashier said wat kind of color would u like the toilet paper.the boy said i just want white ill color it myself in the bathroom

Swim: i'am HYSTRICAL with laughter Funny Rating:10/10
cdog: Fantabbytosa Funny Rating: 9/10
cesar: don't get it plz explain

Mr. A: funnyness is your middle name Funny Rating:8/10
(this is the micheal jackson cup joke)

two men are walking near caves, the first one heard a loud noise coming from the cave. "wow what was that!"
"i dont know said the second one." "ill go see."said the first one. "OWWWWW." said the first one as he walked in. he walked out the cave with a massive bruise on his head. "what happened". said the second one. "ill show you." said the first one. so they walk in the cave, "you see the tree over there." "yes." "well i didnt"
lol

Mr. A: you are the funny king Funny Rating:9/10

when a dog barkes wht does it mean

Four surgeons were sitting around discussing who they like to operate on.

The first surgeon said, "I like operating on librarians. When you open them up everything is in alphabetical order".

The second surgeon said, "I like operating on accountants. When you open them up everything is in numerical order".

The third surgeon said, "I like operating on electricians. When you open them up everything is color coded.

The fourth surgeon said, "I like operating on politicians."

The other three surgeons looked at each other in disbelief. One of them asked why.

The fourth surgeon replied, "Because they are heartless, gutless, spineless, and their butt and head are interchangeable"

Swim: that is MADNESS Funny Rating:9/10

Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake were walking along the beach. Suddenly, Justin says, "Aww, Britney, look at the dead birdie."

Britney looks up at the sky and says, "Where?!"

hahaha i can see that happening

mr anderson: 10/10 that would happen

Mr. A that is brilliant Funny Rating: 9/10

and cdog stop giving Funny Ratings this is my forum and i choose the Funny Ratings OK

This is a tiny bit like cdogs joke:
Theres 3 men and they fing a genie lamp so they rub it and out comes the genie he tells them to go to park slide down the slide while shoting what they want most in there life whatever they've shoted there will be lots of it at the bottom the first man goes down the slide and shots BEER!!!!!!! and theres lots of beer at the bottom he goes home drunk out of his mind the second man goes down and shots MONEY!!!!!!!!!!!!! he pockets the cash and goes off on a shoping spree the third man likes slide so as he goes down he shots WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

he goes home wet and smelly

remember you can give Funny Ratings for MY JOKES only

haha lol 8/10

Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so St. Peter had to tell the first one, "Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?"

The first man replies: "Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed. As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell something was wrong, but all my searching around didn't reveal where this other guy could have been hiding. Finally, I went out to the balcony, and sure enough, there was this man hanging off the railing, 25 floors above ground! By now I was really mad, so I started beating on him and kicking him, but wouldn't you know it, he wouldn't fall off. So finally I went back into my apartment and got a hammer and starting hammering on his fingers. Of course, he couldn't stand that for long, so he let go and fell-but even after 25 stories, he fell into the bushes, stunned but okay. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I ran into the kitchen, grabbed the fridge, and threw it over the edge where it landed on him, killing him instantly. But all the stress and anger got to me, and I had a heart attack and died there on the balchoy."

"That sounds like a pretty bad day to me," said Peter, and let the man in.

The second man comes up and Peter explains to him about heaven being full, and again asks for his story.

"It's been a very strange day. You see, I live on the 26th floor of my apartment building, and every morning I do my exercises out on my balcony. Well, this morning I must have slipped or something, because I fell over the edge. But I got lucky, and caught the railing of the balcony on the floor below me. I knew I couldn't hang on for very long, when suddenly this man burst out onto the balcony. I thought for sure I was saved, when he started beating on me and kicking me. I held on the best I could until he ran into the apartment and grabbed a hammer and started pounding on my hands. Finally I just let go, but again I got lucky and fell into the bushes below, stunned but all right. Just when I was thinking I was going to be okay, this refrigerator comes falling out of the sky and crushes me instantly, and now I'm here."

Once again, Peter had to concede that that sounded like a pretty horrible death.

The third man came to the front of the line, and St. Peter asked for his story.

"Picture this," says the third man, "I'm hiding naked inside a refrigerator..."

It was a hot day outside..so the three nuns decided to take off there clothes and bolt the door to there church.

Since there was stain glass windows, nobody could see inside, and the door was locked.

The nuns were busy doing renovations when a Thud Thud Thud hit the door.

The shocked nun ran to the door and pulled her clothes up over herself, when she asked "Who is it"?

The reply from behind the door was "Its the blind man".

The 3 nuns looked relieved when they heard he was the blind man, no sight no problem they figured, and let him in.

Upon opening the door, in entered a burly man in coveralls and said "sister cover yourself up anyway Where do you want your blinds? "

Mr. A: you are the funniest guy ever both of them earn a Funny Rating of 10

lol 10/10 mr a

carnage is the only one that can mark, have i told you the one about the pencil, its pointless anyway

carnage if u didnt get it he means he is gonna poop on the white color toilet paperto make it brown!duh

wat can travel around the world without leaving his corner?????a stamp on a card
wait i have another joke whats the difference between my dad and a gorilla?one is huge,fat,ugly,wrinkled,and smells terrible and the other is just a gorilla
LOL!